18 February, 2014

Marriage, it ain't easy

Valentine's Day got me thinking about marriage. Marriage is hard. Don't let anyone tell you the first year is the hardest because been there done that and the second year isn't any easier. Theo and I dated for 7 years before we got married. That's A LONG time. I know this because I got asked everyday when we were getting married and why we weren't married yet since we had been together for such a long time. Dating was wonderful. Obviously it was or we wouldn't had stayed together for that long. We rarely argued and if we did it was over silly stuff like "You told me you'd hang out with me tonight and now you're ditching me for your friends!" We moved in together 7 months before getting married and from that point on till we got married we really didn't have any issues. We were planning our wedding and I had just started a new job so we were still in the "honeymoon phase". 


Once we got married and came back down to Earth, our little quirks started to come out. I asked Theo the other day what has changed about me the most since we got married and he said my shopping. I laughed and told him I've always been a big shopper but that when we were dating he didn't notice because it wasn't his money I was spending. He didn't turn the question on me, but if he had I would have said I didn't realize how cheap he is! JK! Thank God he is or would be in some serious trouble! No, I would say I didn't realize how picky he is about having a clean house. I love a clean house too but I don't make my bed everyday and I don't vaccum/sweep as I often as I should and I'm ok with that. I'm definitely a messier person than he is and that can cause some pretty big issues.



Before we got married the priest who was going to marry us made us both read The 5 Love Languages. 


After reading the book I realized this book could have probably avoided a lot of divorces. Every one of us has our own love language. It's the one way we feel loved and appreciated. If we aren't getting fulfilled in our love language it can make us feel unwanted and lead to insecurities in our relationship. I knew Theo's love language was going to be Physical Touch, duh, but was surprised to hear his other one was Words of Affirmation. Then I started thinking about it. When I clean the house or put the dishes up I just do it because in my mind that's what you're supposed to do. Then Theo would come home and said "Wow, thanks for putting the dishes up!" I took that as an insult, kind of like "Geez it's about time those dishes were put up!" But he truly meant it. Whenever Theo cuts the grass or does yard work he kind of gets upset if I don't tell him the yard looks great. Of course I know the yard looks great so why do I need to tell him? I mean he does it every other week, it looks great every time. Finding out that his love language was Words of Affirmation made me realize that's how he feels loved, and me telling him what a good job he did shows that I love him and appreciate what he does. Since that's his love language it's why he tells me what a good job I did when I do the dishes, clean the house, etc. We tend to think everyone has the same love language as us.  

My love language was Quality Time and Receiving Gifts. These were not a surprise to me because I truly love spending time with Theo. I also love it when we talk and he gives me his undivided attention. Luckily we have a lot in common and enjoy doing the same things so it works out. As for Receiving Gifts that doesn't mean I want gifts all the time, I don't, it means I love the thoughtfulness that comes with the gift and the effort it took to finding the perfect gift. Luckily having a blog makes this easier for him. 

I know we both tend to forget the other person's love language often. I personally hadn't thought about it again till recently. If you love the person you married and want to make them happy then learning how to "speak the other person's love language" can be the key for success.  

If you're getting married soon or just curious what you and your husband's love language is I highly recommend this book. It's taught me that if I keep up with the "physical touching" (you get my drift), and making sure to always acknowledge when Theo helps out around the house or cooks dinner, it means he's happy which means we get more quality time together and maybe a surprise bouquet of flowers for me. It all goes hand in hand.

I'll leave you with this
There's a few people in mind I'd like to send this to ;)


You can take the quiz here and get your results instantly. It isn't as in depth as the book is but it's still worth taking.

26 comments :

  1. Awesome post! Marriage for sure isn't easy, but it seems like you both understand eachother pretty well! That sounds like a great book!

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  2. Great post! Knowing each other's love language is definitely important and will help your marriage be the best it can be! There is also a man's version of the book!

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  3. i have this book on my shelf and haven't gotten around to reading it. You convinced me to read it asap

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  4. That book is great and I'm constantly reminding myself to remember my husband's love language. Especially when he's less than thrilled with me....

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  5. Such a sweet post! I've never heard of that book, but it sounds like a great read! Are there any guys that don't fall into the physical touching category? haha

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  6. i have heard about this book! i need to read it... and i think we have similar "problems" i shop too much -- and my husband is kinda cheap. i guess it keeps us on a budget! xo jillian - cornflake dreams

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  7. Great post! I'm almost 6 months married and while I"m loving the newlywed stage, I know that things won't always be this rosy. Not to say I expect things to change drastically, because I also know that if you work the relationship it can stay just as rosy as we want. But, I know that small things will build up too. I'm like your husband, I like having things put away and the house vacuumed once to twice a week, my husband can go months. So, I either let it drive me nuts, or I just do it so it gets done.

    We haven't taken the love languages test together, but I took the quiz awhile ago. It has helped me understand him more too.

    Super long comment, but super great post!

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  8. I loved reading the 5 Love Languages. It was so interesting to see how you give and receive love best. I was also quality time :)

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  9. Oh I love this post!!! We're coming up on our one year anniversary of marriage and I can't say that too much has changed since we got married - but we definitely are great communicators which is so important in any relationship!! I have been talking about the book a lot lately with friends - so I may just have to pick one up!!

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  10. Great! The 5 Love Languages is a great book. I think sometimes people forget that marriage wasn't made for our happiness it was made as a way for us to honor and obey God.

    ~Ashley @ A Cute Angle
    acutelifestyle.blogspot.com

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  11. Great post! Marriage isn't all roses & butterflies for sure. It takes a lot of work, something many in today's society aren't willing to do and they just throw in the towel, but it is SO worth it!

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  12. We both took that quiz and I wasn't surprised when Zack's winner was words of affirmation, but I felt bad knowing that because I am so bad at giving people words of affirmation! It helped to see that and now I'm more aware that I need to praise him and tell him I appreciate him more often. Mine were physical touch and quality time. I don't think he has problems with the physical touch part haha. But the quality time one is a work in progress, I feel like lot of guys don't fully understand the difference between spending time together and spending QUALITY time with one another.

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  13. I keep hearing about that book a lot. I'm definitely going to read it before I get married!

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  14. Great post, girl! You are so right, we dated for 5 years before we got married...into year 3 we still have to work hard everyday at our marriage!! But it's so worth it. We also did the 5 love languages and if you heed the advice, it definitely works (at least for us!). Thanks for this post!

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  15. Yes! Love is a choice!!! :)
    Thanks for sharing your heart! xx

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  16. I love the love languages quiz! My hubby-to-be and I have taken the quiz and have been trying to make a conscious effort to remember our "results" in our day to day lives! Great post. Xx.

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  17. Just bought the book thank you for this honest post because real life is not always butterflies and rainbows and when people start comparing and thinking that is how it suppose to be..that's when trouble starts. I'm excited to read it!

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  18. First year = a breeze. Second year = major. Reality is waiting in the wings when the honeymoon's over for sure ha. It's funny - I cleaned out my nightstand yesterday and pulled out The 5 Languages of Love and remember how Trey said he'd do it if I read the questions out loud and we definitely learned a lot about each other. That was over two years ago so I may need a refresher :)

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  19. Very interesting! I think picking your battles is super important as well as truly letting things go. I need to take that quiz, too. I'm curious now. :)

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  20. I've heard about love languages but I didn't realize there was a book. I think I might need to get it. Having a new baby has definitely made our marriage very different and given little time for just "us" so this book might be perfect.

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  21. Ordering this book! I've been hearing so much about how great it was but not really about how you apply it to everyday life so thank you for sharing! And that's so funny because my husband and I are the total opposite - I'm the clean one and he's the unnecessary spender!

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  22. I love this! I would be curious if I asked David what has changed most about me I too think he would say my shopping. But even though we are married, we still don't have joint bank accounts. Which has not really been a problem but once the baby is in the picture that has got to change. Great post lady!

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  23. You're so right--great post! It's a constant work in progress--and so worth it! I've taken the quiz online but would still like to read the book ;)

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  24. I loved this post! Such a great read and you're definitely right :) I'm loving your blog. I nominated you for a Liebster Award if you wanna play along you can read the details here http://hillarysgrace.blogspot.com/2014/02/liebster-award.html

    xoxo
    Hillary
    www.hillarysgrace.blogspot.com

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  25. This was such a true and honest post. Marriage has so many ups and downs and it's definitely something to fight for! My girlfriend and I were just discussing that book a few weeks ago and I told my husband that we need to read it to work not only on our communication skills, but how we respond to our kids (apparently you can do the quiz for them too!). Thanks for sharing with others and keep up the great work focusing on your marriage!

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  26. I agree SO much with all of this!! I love that book. Dave & I always try to remind ourselves of the other one's love language. It is so important- marriage isn't easy but it sure is worth it!

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