What 2 years of marriage has taught me

by Ally- Life as I know it, 5:00 AM
We celebrated our 2 year wedding anniversary in December and from day 1 of being married it's been a learning experience. I've learned more about myself but also about living with someone, maintaining a household, and trying to keep the other one happy. I did a post awhile back on how marriage isn't easy and as time goes on, it doesn't necessarily get easier, you just learn from experience how to handle different situations without causing too much conflict. I only make such a big deal about being married versus just living together because Theo and I dated 7 years before getting married. I felt like after 7 years you know someone so how different is it going to be? Once you live together, buy a house, share finances, raise a child dog, and did I mention live together, oh it's a whole new ballgame.


1. If you want to avoid issue, just do your own laundry

So this isn't exactly Theo's fault, I'm the guilty one. From the get go I said I would do our laundry and put it up. I got so slack on the job you guys, clothes would sit in those dirty baskets for WEEKS. Then they'd sit in the clean baskets for WEEKS. Finally Theo, after many, many fights about LAUNDRY, not blaming him for anything, I take full responsibility, decided we will just do our own laundry. And you know what, there is peace in the house. I can let my clothes sit in those baskets for weeks and it doesn't effect him one bit. He doesn't get mad at me about his clothes being wrinkled for sitting in the dryer for days, it's now his problem. Best decision he ever made. Well, besides asking me to marry him. :)




2. Have your own time with your own friends, and let him do the same

I don't know what it is about men. If us women go out we're always home on time, always answer our phone, especially when our men call and ask when we're coming home because there's nothing to eat for dinner, uh last time I checked Chick Fil A was a mile away. Now men on the other hand have no sense of time, never answer their phone, and I certainly wouldn't expect him to feed me if he's out with his friends! So knowing all this I gripe when Theo goes out with his friends. But I also realize I need girl time and so does he. So I bite my tongue and avoid saying what I shouldn't say, and instead say "Have a great time, see you...later?" You know he'll be home eventually so let him have fun and enjoy a few hours by yourself with a glass of wine and Real Housewives. It's the one time you won't get bitched at for watching crap TV.




3. Communication is the Gold Standard

It's a known fact wars get started over bad communication and fights at home do as well. If you find yourself keeping something from your spouse, it's probably because you shouldn't be doing it anyways. Luckily Theo is good about communicating, and I probably say a little too much at times, but I've seen couples who don't and then it gets everyone else involved too, not good. You don't have to tell your spouse EVERYTHING, but if something is bothering you it's better to talk it out rather than hold it in and blow up later. 


4. Have a joint account

We tried having separate accounts at first and it didn't go too well. I had my own credit cards I was racking up, he had his own, before we knew it we were hiding debit from each other, it was bad. So last year we cut up our cards, I cancelled my checking account, we have one credit card and debit card that we both use and Theo does our finances. A weight was taken off my shoulders. There's nothing to hide, he sees everything I buy, and now we're able to save money together. It's a beautiful thing. I've had many people tell me they had friends who had separate accounts and they've all divorced, money is the devil, so to avoid a divorce, have a joint account. 



5. Pick your battles

Everyone knows this already but it is so true once you get married and live together. It's hard to spend every waking moment with the same person for the rest of your life so you're bound to get in fights. The key is to learn when to say something and when to ignore it. Once you're married you start to fight about things you never thought about before. Dishes, laundry, the dog, dirty house, clean house, what's for dinner, groceries, I mean the list goes on and on. I always come downstairs in the morning and see a La Croix can and a dirty candy wrapper in the living room. Why he can't put it in the trash before he goes to bed is beyond me, but I've realized I'm not an angel either, you read the Laundry part, so I quietly put it away, maybe mention it to him later that day. Does it change, no, does it bother me to throw it away, no I go in the room anyways. So to avoid a big fight of "you do this, and you do that" I'll just throw it away for him. Besides I'm sure there's been plenty of times when he did something for me and never told me. Like taking one for the team.



So these are just a few things I've discovered these past 2 years. Anyone who knows Theo knows he's never short of an opinion, I mean that in the best way :), so he definitely isn't the kind of husband who just sits back and let's me run the show. And I'm fine with that because I get lazy and need someone to set me straight. I really do think we marry our opposite, like two Type A's can't marry each other, you need a Type A and a Type B to work, but you have to have a lot in common as well. At the end of the day I couldn't imagine being married to anyone else and having little blonde kids with one day.






Thoughts for Thursday
SHARE 19 comments

Add your comment

  1. Amen to not getting bitched at for watching crap TV!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Communication is key and I totally agree that you both need to have your own interests!!! Great post girl!! xo, Biana - BlovedBoston

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh my gosh, I thought I was the only one who took years to put laundry away. haha! I definitely agree with all of these, especially the time with friends (sometimes the only savior for my sanity) and having joint accounts (thank goodness Steve is good at saving!).

    ReplyDelete
  4. Separate time is key. I don't want to watch Adam play golf and he doesn't want to watch me watch Bravo. Ha!

    ReplyDelete
  5. This was all so on point! It be great marriage advice for newly-weds...some of it sure is a good reminder for me!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Love this. Joel and I were together for 6 Years before getting married, and had lived together and moved cross country for 3, and marriage still brought new issues that took adjusting to.

    ReplyDelete
  7. love this! i totally agree with picking and choosing your battles... sometimes it's just worth it to freak out about something. xo jillian - cornflake dreams

    ReplyDelete
  8. Great tips Ally! Brian is the same way with the la croix can.. when the recycling bin isn’t even far. Ha!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Oh I totally agree on marrying our opposites, I can't imagine if we were the same haha, we'd kill each other haha. Picking your battles is big, and noticing when you might be a little extra emotional and not letting that cause things to go where they shouldn't. It helps for sure!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Yes yes yes! Love that you do your own laundry - Nick didn't even know how to turn on the washer/dryer until last week and we've lived here for 4 months now! #spoiled Also totally agree with letting the little things go. I've realized it's not worth getting into a fight over the fact that he leaves his dishes on the counter (right above the dishwasher) every.single.day.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Love all of your tips- especially pick your battles! That's a big one for me

    ReplyDelete
  12. Ugh communication... so hard... so necessary haha. It's a work in progress, this marriage thing. I'm glad you guys took steps to get on the same page financially. That is so important I feel like. Cheers to the next 22+ years ;)

    ReplyDelete
  13. Such a good list and I agree with everything!! We are coming up on our 3 year wedding anniversary and have been together for 7 years. We have ALWAYS done our own laundry and I know it has saved us many of fights. I typically don't even do his as a nice gesture from time to time with the fear that he will think I might just start doing it all the time!!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Totally agree with all of these. I do all of our laundry and he also gets annoyed when I let things sit too long but doesn't like the alternative of doing it himself much either! It's great you've worked out so many issues pre-kids because they add a whole additional level of spousal complications!

    ReplyDelete
  15. "men have no sense of time" truest thing ever.

    and yep, we combined our finances and it makes everything so much easier!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Felt like you were reading my mind! Never thought laundry could cause so much bickering! ;)

    ReplyDelete

I love reading your comments! Thanks for taking the time to read my blog!

© LIFE AS I KNOW IT · THEME BY WATDESIGNEXPRESS