We're done

by Ally- Life as I know it, 9:36 PM

You know how it goes, when you're single you get asked if you're dating someone. When you're married it's when you're having a baby. Then you have your baby and you start getting asked when you're having another. Then you have a second child (like us) and you get asked if you're having a third...and we're not. We're done. This was actually not a hard decision for us at all. In fact, we knew before Elsie was born we only wanted two children. We're very fortunate that Theo and I are both in agreement. It definitely complicates things if one person is done having kids and the other isn't. I know it can be a very hard topic for some people so thought I would share our decision.

I came from a family two children, my brother and I, so I'm sure that has a lot to do with wanting two children myself. Although I always wished I had more siblings, at least an older sister. Big families always looked so fun in my eyes and full of excitement. I imagined these amazing Christmases with everyone having a great time. Not that I didn't have a great time, I don't know I just always wished I had a lot of siblings. They're like built in best friends. I think I watched The Family Stone too much- haha! Theo came from a family of three children. He has a twin sister and an older brother. Actually before I got pregnant with Oliver I used to say for years I wanted three kids. That was until I had one child and realized pretty early on it's hard work. Theo definitely felt the same way. We both knew we wanted one more, if we were lucky, and then we'd be done.

It took me awhile to figure out who I was as a person after I had Oliver. You go from being pregnant where you spend most of your time daydreaming about your future baby and enjoy dinners out with your spouse and you go see movies whenever you want. Then in a split second the baby is here and you have to say goodbye to that life. It took probably 6 months for me to finally find myself again. There were a lot of dark days and tears during the journey though. Luckily when Elsie joined our family she was doing just that- joining an already existing family with a child. There was practically no transition other than adjusting to life with two kids. Who I was didn't change at all, I was still a mom and I had so much more confidence than I did when Oliver was first born. It was so refreshing.  I'm actually glad I had a second child so that I could experience it differently.

I get asked sometimes, and I wonder myself, if i would be this certain if Elsie had been a boy. And yes, I think I would. I love having a girl so much and if I hadn't, there's definitely a small part of me who would had longed for that daughter I never had. But, having two kids of the same gender has so many pros as well. Your kids are probably going to be much closer and play better together and will grow up as friends more than kids of the opposite gender would. Maybe not, you never know. It's really more personality based I suppose. My point is, yes, I would have still stopped at two kids if Elsie had been a boy. As long as they were healthy, I would not have cared if I had another boy.

My health also plays a big part in my decision to stop at two kids as well. I was born with a genetic kidney disease and although I've been so fortunate to not have any big problems, I was considered high risk during my pregnancies. I had ultrasounds often and I was induced early to prevent my blood pressure from getting too high at the very end of pregnancy like it can do for even healthy pregnancies. I had zero issues with my pregnancy with Oliver but with Elsie my amniotic fluid level dropped dangerously low and my blood pressure spiked so I was induced early at 37 weeks. I don't know if any of these issues were brought on from my kidney disease. I'll never know but I do know that it was scary and I feel so lucky that she was fine and it was caught. I don't ever want to risk anything like that happening again. Although, I loved being pregnant so much! I would do it again in a heartbeat with my two if I could!

Lastly, my marriage is a big part of our decision too. Keeping it real here but having kids does not make your marriage easier. Thank goodness Elsie has been super easy but a second child means double the laundry, food, expenses, clothes, everything doubles. I'm more exhausted at the end of the day, so when it comes time for Theo and I to watch a show or go to bed, I usually pick go to bed. A lot of times it's just so I can have time to myself!  We do try to carve out time for us to watch a show together a few times a week. It takes work and it's easy to fall into the same routine daily and then go your separate ways once the kids are asleep. This is something I've had to work on especially since we went from one to two kids. We're finally at a great place and very content with our life now but it took time.

This was not written to make anybody feel like they shouldn't have a third, fourth, or even a second child. Or a child at all! They're truly blessings and I'm thankful for them every single day. I feel so incredibly lucky they've been healthy and fairly easy children. I'm sure once Elsie gets older and is no longer a baby I'll long for those baby years because I love them so much. But ultimately we're so happy as a family of four and are content with our two kids.

Pictures taken back in February by Caitlyn Motycka Photography

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  1. two would/will be our magic number for us as well if it all works out. I totally get what you're saying about being more confident and parenting the second that way, I totally get that and hopefully get to experience that as well. I love your honesty. Your family is beautiful!

  2. I love reading how people decide how many kids to have! We had originally wanted to have three kids but when we ended up having two so close together the chaos really got to us and the idea of a third became overwhelming. When I finally felt really for a 3rd I sort felt like they wouldn't fit in because my boys are the best of friends and I was sort of afraid of screwing that relationship up, I mean it might not have happened but you never know! Now at 6 and almost 5 they're so much fun and we're able to travel and do so many things easily with them.


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